Well, I won’t say if you build your self-esteem you’re guaranteed to have a good and successful relationship. But you can bet that a low self-esteem is capable of ruining a good relationship that could have otherwise been successful.
So it is in fact very possible to build a healthier relationship with a higher self-esteem.
A lack of confidence or poor self-esteem is could sometimes be the case with people who settle for toxic or abusive relationships. They feel worthless, they feel what they have is the best they can get because they don’t deserve much. And you find that in such relationships, partners with low self-esteem are always eager to please, they suffer emotionally, suffer physical abuse, can’t stand the thought of their partner leaving them even when that partner does them no good, always needy and insecure.
So say the relationship isn’t toxic and your partner shows so much love. With a low self-esteem accepting such love as real might be a problem, because then you don’t believe you’re worth it. And this affects the amount of love anybody is able to give.
A person is only able to give as much love as they have inside of them. So you might not know but your partner could be suffering from your inability to give as much love as they do. And there’s just so much more damage that comes from all the insecurities.
Fixing Your Low Self-Esteem
Realizing and acknowledging that you do have a low self-esteem along with all the issues your insecurities are responsible for should be the first step at fixing your low self-esteem. Your low self-esteem is probably an issue you’ve had for a long time, so it’s going to take a lot get rid of. You’ll need patience too in the process.
And when you finally start to feel confident about yourself, you don’t have to settle for less anymore. You’ll know you deserved to be loved and appreciated. You don’t have to go around being all needy and begging for any little attention that’s available. Ultimately, you don’t need anybody to determine your self-worth, you’ll know your self-worth and you’ll be happier.
Here are 6 practical things to do to build your self-esteem, appreciate yourself more and have better relationship.
Don’t Let Your Partner Set Your Self-Worth
When you rely on your partner to feel good about yourself, and all your confidence comes from being with your partner, then your self-esteem will always suffer. The best thing about yourself just can’t the fact that you were able to get in a relationship with a certain person. You’d be lucky to have a happy ending in such a relationship.
Even if you’re partner really does love you. The fact that you need them to feel like you’re worth something, important, or you need them to boost your self-esteem will build so much insecurities over time that will get in the way of your successful relationship.
So if you can’t outsource your self-esteem from your partner, what do you do?
Well, one thing about people with low self-esteem is that they spend so much time comparing their flaws to the admirable qualities in others that they become blind to their own potentials.
Everybody has flaws, only that confident people are more interested in their strengths than weaknesses. If each time you look at a person, you’re full of admiration, it is because all you see is what they deliberately show you. That person does have flaws and weaknesses, but they aren’t going to let that be people see when they look at them.
Focus less on your partner, less on others and more on yourself. Find those things you once admired about yourself, your current strengths and bring them out to the light.
It is pitiful when I see talented people who would rather wallow in a puddle of their weaknesses than show their strengths to the world.
So imagine a girl who could draw exceptionally but would rather compare herself to her friend who has a wonderful singing voice. And could be in a similar situation right now, only you don’t realize it.
Also, you should try small positive self-talks. They might seem silly at first, but they do help. Focus more on your good qualities and strength.
It’s not your job alone to ensure the success of your relationship.
The effort put into ensuring a successful relationship should come from both you and your partner. Don’t blame yourself for every single thing that goes wrong in your relationship either. There are always problems in relationships, and these issues are best fixed together as a couple. Not with you trying to shoulder and fix everything yourself.
And if you constantly feel you aren’t right or your partner makes you feel you aren’t enough, then maybe the relationship isn’t right for you.
Know You Deserve Everything Good that Comes to You
You could be at the point where you don’t see anything good about yourself. So you see compliments as flatteries. And when your lover/partner does nice things for you, you think it couldn’t really be for you and it’s rather because they are just being nice to you. And this is where you start to feel that since your partner is so nice to you, you just can’t afford to live without them, because you’re probably never going to find anyone as nice.
But what if when people say that you’re an amazing person it is because you really are an amazing person, and not to flatter you. And what is all those nice things your partner does for you are because they can see that you really deserve and they aren’t just trying to be nice.
If you give it a good thought you’d see the truth in this. They love you because you deserve all that love, compliment you because they see all that awesomeness in you, and do nice things simply because they know you don’t deserve less.
You are awesome, and you can’t let anyone else see that more than you do.
Don’t Put Up With a Bad Relationship
Don’t stay in a relationship you know very well you’re suffering from. The thing with people who do is that they’re scared they’ll either wind up alone or never find anyone better if they leave. They feel that what they have is the best they could ever get.
These are fears that set in from living with a low self-esteem for a long time. They are not true and you need to let go of them. Move on from a relationship where you are devalued, disrespected and unloved. Take time to build your confidence before moving into another relationship. Low self-esteem ruins good relationships.
And have in mind that everybody isn’t meant for you. You just can’t be compatible with everyone you meet. So if the relationship doesn’t work out, it’s not because something is wrong with you. Both of you weren’t just meant for each other.
Be confident about who are, and don’t try to change yourself to suit someone else. Just move on if it doesn’t work out. You’ll never find better staying in a relationship that’s already dead.
With a low self-esteem, everybody that shows a bit of interest in you is going to look like the one. And it’ll be easy to make the wrong choices and get in a relationships with the wrong people. This is why you need time to work on yourself, till you’re confident enough to make wise decisions about who is and who isn’t right for you.
Learn to Express Yourself
Being able to communicate your feelings, thoughts and emotions well enough will go a long way to build your self-esteem and improve your relationship. Constantly keeping all the negative thoughts and emotions inside because you’re scared of what your partner would think isn’t very good for you.
You should be able to communicate what your needs are and set sensible boundaries that have to be respected. If you dislike or feel bad about something your partner does, let them know and let them see why you don’t like it. This way your opinion are listened to and respected.
Going with that, you should also let them know when they do things that you like, and let them know things they do that you appreciate. Being able to communicate your feelings relieves you of the burden that comes with bottling all the negative feelings and emotions inside.
And if this doesn’t go right, say your partner makes it obvious that they don’t care what you feel, or what your opinions are. Then it’s a pointer to the fact that you might be in a wrong relationship, and not because you aren’t right in communicating your feelings. Who else should better care what you feel than your partner.
People generally tend to be confident in environments where their opinions are either appreciated, respected, or accepted. It sends some sort of positive feedback that gives a feeling of importance. So don’t be around people that make you feel you have nothing good to offer.
There will always be people who love you for being the way you are, and people who hate you just for being you. Be with the right set of people.
Be Your Own Person
I know it’s great to be able to do lots of things together with your partner. But there has got to be certain things that you love to do that they don’t. Take out time to do those stuff. It’s time to explore, take yourself shopping or and try to have some fun without your partner.
You alone are responsible for your happiness. Don’t make it your partner’s job. Realize that you are just enough be happy. All your partner can do is contribute to that happiness.
See how great it is to spend time with yourself. Learn to enjoy your alone time and don’t see it as being lonely. Make your own decisions and be confident with the decisions you make and even when they fail, you’ve something new to learn.
If you’ve needed your partner to make all your decisions, tell you how your life should go and all, then its time you gave running your life yourself a go. You’ll have a sense of fulfillment from knowing you’re able to get things done on your own.
Nobody is perfect and everyone has flaws and weaknesses. But it doesn’t mean you can’t get better at things you’re not good at. Set new heights for yourself and try to attain them. Challenge yourself to that thing you’ve always feared you couldn’t.
Make a resolve to do something each day that makes you proud of yourself. You need to have that sense of accomplishment. You need to see yourself attains new heights, push through your limits.
And even if you’ve always deliberately put yourself down, you won’t be able to anymore when each time you think about yourself or look yourself in the mirror there’s just so much to be proud of. It’s goodbye to letting other people’s perspective of you define you.
Work on your insecurities. It’s likely that you might need some help to do this. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone about the issues you’re facing, or go for therapy. There might just be certain problems that you have that are unique to you. And you might need help overcoming them.
A low self-esteem won’t let you have the best experience possible in your relationship, and it might ruin it too. And if possible, try to find out exactly what makes you feel insecure and bad about yourself. Does your confidence only suffer when you’re around your partner? Is this a problem you’ve always had growing up as a child from being bullied or from a dysfunctional family?
If you can pinpoint a cause, then you can work towards eliminating or overcoming it.
Build your self-esteem and see how much better your relationship gets.