Breakups are never easy, especially when you love a person so much. But then it happens and quite a lot too. Most times you’re never certain what to do after a breakup. And getting over your ex might be the hardest part of a breakup. I never quite could find an easy way to do this.
So what do you do when you’re unable to get over your ex?
At this point you might’ve gotten into a new relationship, but nothing feels right. Your new boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t do things the way your ex did, doesn’t smell the way your ex does or doesn’t look at you the your ex did. You wish almost everything could stay the way they were in your previous relationship.
Whatever it is that makes you miss your ex, if you find yourself going to bed every night thinking more of ex, and your past relationship than the new one. Giving your former relationship another try and thinking about how to get back with your ex might be a good idea. It might also not be the best decision to make. But hopefully you’ll know what decisions to take after reading this article.
And if you’re one of those out there who still think about their ex a lot and still love their ex, but you don’t want to get back with your ex because you can’t seem forgive your ex for something he/she did, even though your ex is sorry and willing to make up for it or be different. You might actually be throwing a way a good opportunity at happiness without even realizing it.
If you both still love each other well then you should consider getting back together.
Before thinking about how to get back with your ex, you should consider the following before hurrying to make any decisions.
Is it worth getting back with your ex despite the reason you broke up?
You certainly got broken up with your ex for some reason, and whatever that reason might be, you might want to take time off to think it through and know if getting back with your ex is worth it.
Whatever reason it is you broke up in the first place, could actually be something you could work through with your ex if you sat down to talk about. And what if it’s not, maybe it’s something you could tolerate.
Whichever way, consider what reason you broke up for in the first place before anything else.
Are you desperately chasing after someone who doesn’t want you anymore?
Desperately trying to win back a person who doesn’t want you anymore is definitely not a good move. If your ex doesn’t want you back, then it’s time to let go and move on.
When this becomes the case, it’s not possible to get back your old relationship again. So you just have to move on even if your feelings stay alive. The feelings will die eventually.
In getting back with your relationship, you won’t feel same romance and flow of affection if the idea of getting back wasn’t mutual. Desperately trying when the other doesn’t want to will most likely leave you feeling worse and in a worse position than you already were.
Why should you give your broken relation/ or ex a second go?
While working on how to get back with your ex, give your ex as much space as you can. It’s not just about getting back with your ex, you want to know why.
Why should I give my ex a second chance? Or why do you want to give your relations a second try?
These are the questions you want to ask yourself. And you want to think about this while being as distant as you can from your ex.
And if you can’t give yourself a reason to go back, then I advise you just give up on getting back with your ex. Because you’ll just end up with a broken relationship all over again.
Is your ex willing to put in same effort as you into getting back together?
You should also be sure that your ex is willing to put in the right amount of effort to fix the relationship. This is important to get a better, lasting relationship this time. If there’s something your ex needs to change about himself or herself, be sure that he or she is willing to do this for the sake of both of you.
Will things go back to the way they used to be?
If your past relationship with your ex has had beautiful moments up until before issues that led to the breakup and you’re thinking about how to get back with your ex again, you definitely have expectations of having things go back to the way they used to be.
However, this isn’t always what happens after a reunion like this. And most times you can just tell that things can never go back to being the way they were. If you know this or if things seem this way, then moving on might just be the best thing to do.
Going back to a relationship where everything feels so different could leaves you yearning for something you’ll probably never have or feel again. In time you’ll probably forget why you got back with your ex in the first place, and you might end up breaking up again even on worse terms.
If you’ve asked yourself the above questions and are sure that getting your boyfriend or girlfriend back is the right decision, then here are tips on how to get back with your ex the right way:
Give yourself time to heal & work on becoming a better person.
After a breakup, it’s okay to feel devastated, feel a little bit depressed or lonely. What’s not okay is to think you can’t survive without your ex. I’ve even heard about people who committed suicide after a breakup. Especially with relationships that lasted a long time. A breakup doesn’t signify the end of your world. What you might not realize is that most times a breakups do a whole lot good than harm. You just need to live to see this.
When a breakup happens, there probably isn’t much you can do about. One of the biggest mistakes you can make is desperately running back to your ex just after the breakup or playing the pity card.
Writing long texts about how you love ex so much or how you can’t do without him/her is definitely not a good idea.
What you need after a breakup is time for yourself, you need time to heal. Go out with friends, have fun, make new friends, do things you’ve always wanted to do, things that don’t remind you of your ex so often.
Get a life of your own and do stuff that make you happy.
You need a life of your own that doesn’t involve your ex in anyway. It helps for your ex to know how much you can go at being your own person and living an awesome life without them.
That being said, one other thing not to do is try to make your ex jealous. This is because sooner or later you’ll realize you’ve still been living for them all the while. It makes you even more desperate and miserable. Especially when it’s starting look he/she is getting the best life without you.
You don’t just want your ex back, you want to make sure he/she stays this time. So even if the jealousy game gets you a little attention, it’s only going to be for a little while too. More than just getting your ex back you want a better relationship. It’s why you need time to fix yourself up.
You have better chance at a better relationship if your ex realizes how much you’ve grown and improved yourself without him/her. Other chances are that when you mix up with new people and have better relationships, you realize how much of an asshole your ex was. There, now you can save yourself from getting back with such a person.
So get out of bed, go partying, visit a gym, go out with friends. Do whatever you want to do as long as it doesn’t involve contacting your ex or meeting up. Exercise can be a great way to relieve anxiety and depression and help you feel better after a breakup.
Don’t jump into a new relationship just yet.
If you still want your ex back, then whatever you do, jumping into a new relationship cus you feel it’ll help ease the pain or help keep you from thinking about him/her or make him/her regret losing you isn’t a good idea.
You might also be thinking a new relationship won’t make you look less desperate or it wouldn’t look so obvious that you still want your ex back. Point is getting in a new relationship doesn’t help.
Getting a new boyfriend/ girlfriend might just complicate things even more. Sure, you can go on dates and all. But only give a new relationship a try when you’re sure you’re completely over your former lover.
If you can’t stop thinking about your old relationship,then you still care very much about your former lover too. Being in a relationship with someone new doesn’t just complicate things for you. It does for whoever you’re in the new relationship with. In the end the new relationship thing will just leave you in a messy situation.
You need time for you, you need time to work being a better person for you. Usually this is the most important thing you need to make the best decisions when working on getting back with former boyfriend or girlfriend.
So focus on you first, be happy without ex, live without your ex, and then if you still feel you need or miss him/her, then you can go trying to get your him/her back.
Chances are if your ex see how well you do for yourself without him/her, he/she is going to want you back.
So the relationship got messy and broken up and its all cus of something you did. And you can’t seem to forgive yourself or stop beating yourself up. It might’ve been your fault and all, but whatever it is that happened has happened.
Lying on your bed and crying all day won’t help anything. What you really want isn’t to change the past. What you want is to have your boyfriend/ girlfriend back in your arms again.
If you’re currently feeling bad for something you did that might’ve caused the breakup, then you need to let go of whatever guilt you feel. And if you were broken up with cus of a bad behavior or addiction, then you need to work on changing that. If at all your ex did really love you, then it’s probably all you need to get him/her back.
And what if what you what you did goes deeper than just a bad behavior or addiction. However if it’s still something you can change about yourself then go ahead and change that. And if it’s not something you need to change about yourself, let’s say you cheated or did some terrible stuff, then consider these:
You must’ve also hurt your ex with whatever it is you did. Your ex is probably drowning his/her pillow in tears just as you are
You probably already went begging and asking for forgiveness, if you haven’t, then you should try apologizing. Show your ex that you feel bad about what you did. And if this hasn’t worked, it doesn’t mean your ex hates you. He/she is probably hurt and confused to do anything right away.
Your ex needs time to forgive you.
So just as much as you had to tried to forgive yourself, you need to give your ex time to forgive you. It might take a while but your ex might just come back to you without you having to do anything.
It’s still worth noting that begging over and over again might not help. Your ex needs space. And even if you still contact each other at this point, talk to your ex as if he/she was just a friend. Try to hold off talks about getting back together just yet.
Don’t go doing things just for your ex.
I’m pretty sure I already insinuated this, but I feel I’ve to explain a little bit more. You shouldn’t go doing things simply to impress your ex.
Don’t gym cus you want your ex to see how much of better physical look you have. Don’t spend more than you usually do so they can check out your new lifestyle. If you have a plan like either of this to get back with your ex this and it fails, it could be depressing thinking about how your efforts were useless.
Here’s where I’m going with all of these, in becoming a better person, you don’t want to care about what your ex thinks about the things you do or care about your ex’s opinion. Do stuff cus you want to and you enjoy doing them. If you don’t live close to your ex and are able to get a good distance away from him/her, it would help. And if you’re ex lives so close to you, just make sure you ain’t trying to get your ex’s attention with the stuffs you do.
Always keep in mind that in working on how to get back with your ex, living solely for you for the time being is one of the best ways to go about it. Do things you love, not things your ex will be happy to see you doing.
Don’t rush/push the get back together talk.
Knowing the right time for the get back together talks is pretty important. Don’t just jump right into it.
Hearing your ex saying they miss you isn’t enough. Take time to build a normal friendship relationship with your ex. It’s common for people to date each other and not know each other so well. Here’s your chance to do that if your relationship was like that.
As much as possible don’t do the talks like you were trying to get back together after a broken relationship. Make it feel like you were building something new. This might be necessary not to have a relationship that falls apart again after a short while.
During the fights that led to the breakup, you probably figured what problems your ex had with you. And you also probably let your ex know how you disliked certain things he/she did and all. You should include these to your talks to too, to better understand each other.
It’s one thing to know how to get your ex back and it’s another thing to be patient enough to go through with the plan properly. Be patient with yourself, be patient with your ex, be patient with your plan. It might be hard if you’re usually impatient with everything else. But being impatient and messing up your chances at getting your boyfriend back or getting girlfriend back is something you don’t want to do.
So take time to think things through as much as possible. Don’t do things when you think you’re emotionally calm. Patience is key when working on how to get your ex back.
Focus on rebuilding trust.
When breakups happen, trust is usually broken as well. So you in rebuilding your relationship, you definitely want to focus on the trust too. Try to always be as honest as you can. Try as much as possible to eliminate stuff that might make your lover doubt your loyalty.
You might need to prove you’re trustworthy a couple of times, to make your boyfriend/girlfriend let his/her guard down and feel comfortable with you again. This shouldn’t be hard as long as you’re being honest with him/her.
On the question of how to get back with your ex, there are no sure methods or secrets. Understand that people are different and situations play out differently with different people. However, the tips above on how to get back with your ex should put on the right track to doing it the best way.
Leave a comment below if you still have questions or need help getting through anything. I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.
Read about: how to get over a breakup.